Jealousy

I've been here a bunch of times
It all starts with the same old lines
It's over, Baby it's over
Nothing 'bout it ever feels good
It knocks you down just like it should
But it goes away, it always goes away
But something about this time feels different
Just like I'm in a fight I'm about to lose

This might be the heartache that doen't stop hurtin'
That just keeps workin' on me
That just keeps pickin' on me
And these might be the tears that keep on fallin'
That won't stop comin' down
They won't stop rainin' on down
Maybe its too early to know for certain
This might be the heartache that don't stop hurtin'

Man I tried to kill the pain
By shootin' whiskey through my brain
But it never works, it only makes it worse
So tonight I'm here again
Throwin' punches in the wind
At some enemy, that I can't even see
And I know I don't want to let it have me
But every time it hits I fell the truth

Tomorrow I'll stand up again
And give it my best shot again
But tonight it sure feels like

These might be the tears that keep on fallin'
That won't stop comin' on down
They won't stop rainin' on down
And maybe it's too early to know for certain
But this might be the heartach that don't stop hurtin'
It just won't stop hurting

*** I love this but it drives me nuts because i've felt this way and thought these same exact words he just beat me at writing it down on paper!

If u wanna be my cowboy

You're gonna have to meet my mama Gonna learn to say, yes mam Gotta learn to call me honey
If you wanna be my cowboy

Gotta treat me like a lady Get the door and hold my hand Better tell me that I'm pretty
If you wanna be my cowboy

I ain't got no time for players Ain't no one ride rodeo Ain't got room for no heartbreakers
Grab my hand and take me dancing Show me off to all your friends Rub my back and call me baby If you wanna be my cowboy

Better buy my favorite pony Better learn my favorite song Gotta lay some bling upon me If you wanna be my cowboy

Saddle up and take me for a little ride Lay me down on a blanket ya By the river side If you wanna be my cowboy

sunshine through the mist.

Can you hear me! I softly ask. Are you their! I cant see you. But I know you're their even though I can't see you. Are you watching me? Though my eyes are blind with the heavyness of this mist that befudles and slows me. My eye lids heavy and clouded with dark mist sting, straining with fatigue. quivering they droop and close.  I no longer can force or control the muscles. Yet upon closing a cool mist envelopes my burning  punished eyes.  Eyes closed the constant streaming tears clears my blindness and light appears. Greyish shadows at first yet the grey clouded mist brings your face to me.  Hungrily searching your features I contemplate your unchanging expression. Regret, sorrow, freedom, confussion, euhphoria. Your eyes bright, clear I can see this all with clearity. As I do the dark shadows deminsh and the light increases.  Reaching out my pulse quickens, my temples throb, adrenaline shoots through my slugish veins. I miss you. I miss you so much.  My throat thickens, constricting and choking me with such violent emotion that I can't control or turn it off. It engulfs and floods through me. I can't endure this agonizing pressure. The light through the mist that holds you darkens and you begin to fade from my view. No dont go, I cry. Don't leave me, again.


Some thing awakens me. Are you their I whisper? So quiet and still, yet you have awakened me. I no longer ask. I know with assurity you are their. Resting on the end of my bed, I can see you looking at me. You've been here trying to comfort me as a slept. My sentinal.  I ask you questions, not with my voice but with my heart. Why, why! It is not yet dawn and the grey shawdows persist. I know no verbal reply will be returned. Yet speaking quietly from the silent chambers of my heart, I feel your nearness in quiet stillness. I want to cry out again but I choke it down. I eat the pain of longing, of missing you. I cover it.  As I quiet my soul, the light increases through the ever falling mist that I cannot stop or get away from. As the light increases it tells me that this must be.


As the dawn approaches, I realize your face glows with light. Understanding dawns, you have brought the light yet I have been holding on too the darkness. Help me!  Love is your light and it eminates and enfolds my soul in joy. Relief rushes through me. My all consuming grief that enfolds me bursts with such force I am enthralled, mesmerized, and Im consumed with wonder, understanding, knowledge. You are not gone, you are here beside me, you have never left me. You have watched over me. Our love binds us together forever.  I know now that one day I will be ready to follow the sunshine through the mist and we will once agian walk arm in arm side by side. We will laugh and hug each other and so many more whos light has faded through the mist. I love you I whisper. The light of dawn shines through my window.

An angery HONEST letter to my ex

Well I can't stand to look at you now
Still I can't bear the thought of you now
This complication's leaving me scared Stay when you think you want me
  Pray when you need advice Hey keep your sickness off me
Blame all your weakness on me Shame that I'm so contrite  
Hey keep your fingers off me, why can't I get through?
You think you have the best of intentions

I cannot shake the taste of blood in my mouthI keep on thinking that it's all done and all over now 

Well I can't stand to be with myself and I can't stand the taste of your mouth
Hey keep your sickness off me
Shame you can't take this from me Bane on the empty mind

Hey keep your fingers off me, why can't I get through?
Say what you want but you're not gonna win this time
Take what you want, but just leave me alive

Courage.... MY BONES

My Bones say that I'm good enough, even though my mind says I'm NOT.

My Bones whisper to me sternly saying I can do this keep going I'm strong enough, Even when my heart feels like It's ready to burst into flames.

My Bones tell me that If theres any more pressure In the atmosphere and bodies around me they will burst and blow to pieces they will turn into dust like thats all that I am the dust and grim of the earth.

My Bones tell me the only sound I want to hear is a melody softly soaring through my atmoshpere

My Bones tell me that there is still road left in my shoes.

My Bones scream to me that if the silence takes you then i hope it takes me too.

My Bones ache and cry asking me how I can be so high and still feel like dieing.

ATTENTION!! If your going through hell heres what you must do

Keeping going!
You might get out before the devil even knows your there!

LIFE and DEATH

     Staring at a wall The paints cracking, and crumbling off, It's empty just like my heart.
 What is the purpose of life? Is it just to feel pain and miseary?
 Why am I here, why can't I move the heart break and pain slides over me and crashes down like a wave
 I can't stop or run away from.
    
     Recently Two of my friends have died. I've always been a genuinly happy person
It's the small things in my life that make me happy and keep me marching through the days. 
But lately i've had this sick feeling in my stomach like i can't breathe like its never going to stop hurting.
My body is so emotionaly drained it feels like im dragging around the weight of the world. I'm furious at them. Why couldnt I help them love life the way I did?

What Little girls are made of

    County road two thirty three under my feet nothing on this wide but little ole me
I got two miles till he makes bill and if im were headed straight for hell,
  I'm going home gonna load my shot gun wait by the door and light a ciggarett
He wants a fight well now hes got one he ain't seen me crazy yet he slapped my face
  and shook me like a ragg doll, his fist is big but my guns bigger im gonna show him
when I pull the trigger.

   I'm gonna show him what little girls are made of gun powder and lead.

FEARS

I'm afraid of not being good enough

I'm afraid of disapointing people

I'm afraid of saying no

I'm afraid of clowns

I'm afraid of getting my heart Broken again....

I'm afraid of experation dates at my grandparents house

I'm afraid of pickels

I'm afraid of being alone at night

                                                          

I'm afraid to fall asleep

I'm afraid of the dark

I'm afraid of the things my dad did

I'm afraid of mice

I'm afraid of my room